i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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