I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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