he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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