you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
