i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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