Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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