I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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