I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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