Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
