But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
