My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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