Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
