when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize