"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
