I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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