please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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