I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
