if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
