I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
