My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
