I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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