i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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