So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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