I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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