sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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