we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
