I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
