shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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