i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
