I love black thongs
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
