You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
