She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
