Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
