how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
