TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
