Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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