I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
