i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
