Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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