Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
