I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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