Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
