do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
