Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize