I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's like iHOP with fire
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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