I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
