I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
