I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
