So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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