He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
third nipple confirmed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
