Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
