i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
