I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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