I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
