I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
smell my finger.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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