Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone signed my nipple.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
