I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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