I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
