When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
