god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
