Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
