I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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