so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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