Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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