Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
