no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
