Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
