You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
