Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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