just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
