I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
