She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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