wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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